Friends

The effect of relationship breakdown can also impact on friends. Regardless of the length you have been in a relationship you will probably have developed a group of friends or mutual friendships with other people. After your relationship breaks down there can be problems continuing with these friendships.

From a friend's point of view they may have divided loyalties - unsure as to whether they have to 'choose' one partner to stay friends with. Some friends will be unable to cope with the emotional turmoil of watching you go through a separation while some friends will become your rock.

From your point of view it can suddenly be difficult to see mutual friends if you are struggling to move on from your 'old life',especially if you have always seen them as a part of a couple. You may find that people you thought were your loyal friends disappear and you find yourself lonely.

Sharing friends after a divorce takes careful management. It is important they don't feel compromised, so don't constantly use them as a source of information about your ex. Make it clear that you value their friendship and that you have no problem with them seeing your ex.

If you find the thought of them being in touch with your ex too much to bear then you must examine why you feel this way - would their continued contact really affect you adversely? Or is it your desire to not be connected to the situation that is making you feel uneasy?

Meeting new people is a necessary part of the moving on process - finding new friends who have nothing to do with your ex. This will require some effort on your part; join some clubs maybe even the local gym. Start talking to people, for example, when you drop the kids off at school, at the library, in the gym and supermarket. Meeting new people is part of the process of developing your new life. You could try Armchair Advice Dating as a starting point.