Work & Relationships

Differences in work ethic, ambition, attitude to work, career progression and job loss can have a serious impact on a relationship. Sometimes the problem existed from the beginning of the relationship; sometimes it develops due to changes in circumstances.

There is nothing more certain in life than the fact that things will change and this is increasingly the case in relation to work and work status. If your partner is made redundant or dismissed, becomes pregnant, chooses to change jobs or becomes sick then the balance in your relationship will change. It helps to have a plan in place and ensure continued communication so you can support each other through change.

Here are some of the main work related issues that can easily become a problem affecting your relationship at home.

Differences in ambition may bother you. You may have a high powered job and your partner just plods along happily without ambition or desire to move on. You work incredibly hard while all they seem to do is spend the money.

You have to decide what really bothers you about this situation. Is their lack of ambition really detrimental to your relationship? Is their freer attitude to work and life in fact one of the things that you were attracted to in the first place?

Look at the aspects of the difference that really upset you. Imagine you work an 80 hour week while they work 35. This really gets to you and you express it as frustration that they don't work hard enough. Is that really the case? Would you really rather by working 35 hours but can't see a way out of your 80 hour week? If you need to make changes to work and life balance, make them together.

It may be that your partner has a particular attitude to work for a good reason, for example they previously worked in a stressful environment that made them sick and don't want to do it again. You can learn from their experience of making changes in their life. If your partner has a work ethic you aspire to, for example, fast career progression, you can learn from their example to help you achieve your aims.

If you feel you are saddled with being the main breadwinner then discuss how you could begin to change things. Bear in mind this could take some time and don't make rash changes without discussing the options with your partner.


Are you are embarrassed by your partner's job status? When people ask you what you partner does for a living you avoid answering or make something up. Has this always been the case from the start of the relationship or has the problem increased as you have become more successful?

Is this really your partners fault? Why are you embarrassed by their job - are other people embarrassed by it or is it just your perspective? How does your partner feel about their job - do they gain satisfaction from it which benefits your relationship?

Is it the job title or role that is important or how each person conducts themselves at work? Ask yourself is it preferable to be the best waiter in Britain or a poor and incompetent restaurant manager? Practice introducing your partner's work in a positive way. 'This is ....Fred, he is the only person I know who has truly cracked the work life balance issue.' Or 'This is my partner Fred, he's one of the lucky people who loves his job.'

Do you feel uncomfortable accompanying your partner to work outings? This is sometimes the feeling of a partner who feels they have a fairly ordinary and low paid job but their partner earns a lot more, has a fancy title and moves in some very influential circles.

If you struggle to feel confident enough to talk to your partner's colleagues remind yourself that your partner has chosen you and enjoys being with you. He or she would not invite you to work parties if they were embarrassed by you. If you know you have an event coming up then plan to read the newspaper and select a couple of interesting or amusing stories which you can talk about and have an opinion on.

If there are any other problems on which you need advice, try posting them on our Forum. Other people will have experienced similar situations and will be able to give you help.